Yankee Brew News Archive

The Perils of Being a Beer Enthusiast

Originally Published: 01/96

By: Gregg Smith

Sometimes it isn't easy being a beer lover. Especially if you're a fan of craft brews or imports. When it becomes known that you'll go out of your way to try a different distributor, or check out a newly-discovered tavern, life isn't the same. Strangers examine you with a bit of suspicion and try to smile in a friendly but somewhat condescending fashion while they attempt to gain a comfortable distance. Relatives view you as a family eccentric. Even your best friends begin to shoot you some funny looks. And when you ask for a beer list you can almost hear the sighs. So why is it okay for them to have a wine list of over 40 selections?

As beer enthusiasts we learn to tolerate and live with these minor trials. There are greater burdens we must bear. One of these is bottles. We look upon these as the expected container. Still, it's almost enough to make you admire your mainstream drinking friends. Their cans stack up so neatly in a grocery bag. If you didn't know better you'd be tempted to think it was a conspiracy that designed the bottom of those bags to the exact dimensions of twelve cans. To be a craft beer lover you've got to be tough; it requires good spatial, balancing and dexterity skills to bag up the odd sizes of bottles.

Worse is when we make it hard on ourselves, like picking up a couple of mixed six-packs for a tasting. John Naegele, a Beer & Tavern Chronicle writer finally acquired a custom-built eight bottle carrier which is strikingly similar to a tool box.

There's another problem with the bottles. How often have you been in a situation when your friends are happily popping open or unscrewing their second or third beers while you stare at your craft brew wishing you had a bottle opener? Finally you get the cap off only to find that Belgian beer you bought also needs a cork screw. Or how about the most hated sign amongst our peers? It reads..."No glass on beach!" Are you expected to drag a keg everywhere?

Then there's the matter of coolers. Again the cans fit in nicely, even if the bottom's curved. And when they have only half a cooler full they never fret about tossing in the cans and ice. But what if you're toting around half a load of bottle conditioned beer? Those bottles never stand upright. I guess in those situations we should just be committed to drink hefe-weizen.

Finally, there's the refrigerator problem. How many of you have arranged yours in a fashion no other person could imagine? How many times have you been faced with a decision like..."Well, I can squeeze in these last four beers, I guess I'll just have to toss out this half container of orange juice."

All the preceding is rather tame stuff. Consider the real trouble, the wide variety of no-buy-ems you run into. Sometimes even your very best friends display this little ugly streak. It usually plays out in this type of scenario. You're having a party and everyone is supposed to bring some beers. As the host you chill a case or two of fine craft brews and relax while waiting for them to cool. Soon your guests arrive bearing arm loads of mainstream beers. Don't misunderstand me. There's nothing wrong with that. It's what happens next. You walk into the (pick one--kitchen, patio, living room, yard, etc.) and spot a buddy slugging down one of your beers. They grin at you and say "Damn these are good beers." No problem, you hope that's the sign of another convert. Unfortunately there's many an occasion when they show up with mainstream bubbly light and never drink one, at least while the "good stuff" lasts. The worst that can happen is when they keep talking, because they might next come out with. "I really like 'em, but they're so expensive that when I'm buying I just stick with good old________" (fill in the blank.)

That's not the end of your woes. The next morning you arise, clean up a bit, and look to the cooler or fridge for a beer. And what do you find? Nothing but cans, and we're not talking about those Guinness pub-draft numbers.

What's the next trend in the craft beer industry? It just might be a form of confrontational or interpersonal skills, maybe even microbrewery support therapy. There will be symposiums with break-out sessions with titles like "How to wedge bottles in a cooler", "Getting around the no-glass rule", "New methods in refrigeration management" and the wildly popular "Minding the ids, socially acceptable methods to protect your stash" it'll be great. They'll even teach you soothing mantras to chant when your best friend says, "These are good, but so expensive that I...."

In the meantime the best advice we can give you is how to avoid waking up with that fridge full of cans you don't want. There's two sure fire ways to this end. First, when you set up your party, and your friends ask you what they can bring, tell them two six packs of a specific brand. The other method is used if the first fails. As each of the guests leaves hand them a six pack of Old Mainstream Light and say, "Please take some home, there's more here than I can possibly drink."

Gregg Smith, Yankee Brew News' Editor "From Away," believes that the perils of being a beer enthusiast are inconsequential when compared to the pleasures.